Mazal Tov!

Dear Friends,

It was on a summer day almost exactly 18 years ago, a day even hotter than this one, that I stood outside in the courtyard of the French brasserie, Marche’ in the West Loop area of Chicago, and said to Brad and Yoni, “By choosing to stand here under this chupah – symbol of the Jewish home – you are placing your relationship under the canopy of the Covenant between God and Israel. By choosing to exchange rings – symbolizing your link to one another – you are linking your lives to the hundreds of generations who have stood here and exchanged rings before you. And though your sexuality may be different than theirs, the essence of your relationship is not. You are two human beings; two people created by God, blessed by God’s gift of the spirit we call love. And through that love you have found fulfillment deep enough and commitment strong enough to make that relationship the most special, the most important, the most central element of your lives. In Judaism, we call that kind of relationship, “kadosh,” “holy.” We call this marriage ceremony, “kiddushin,” the rite which establishes this bond as holy.”

Brad and Yoni exchanged rings, using the same vow that is used in heterosexual Jewish weddings, and were religiously married in one of the most Jewish weddings at which I have ever officiated. By that I mean that the Brad and Yoni were very committed, liberal Jews; that they had a Klezmer band and danced the horah longer than at most weddings I have attended; but, most of all, because of the values that were expressed through the celebration of this wedding. Those values include some of the most fundamental of our Jewish tradition:

• Every human being is made in the image of God and the potential for a fully committed, holy relationship (“kiddushin”) has been implanted by God in all of us.
• As a people who experienced what it was like to be “strangers in the Land of Egypt,” and were “outsiders” in the societies in which we lived throughout much of our history, we are commanded to make sure that those who have been excluded or treated as “other” are treated as equals in the societies in which we live today. We cannot say that those who are gay are truly equal if we do not recognize their relationships as equal to those of heterosexual couples, as one’s sexuality is expressed through one’s relationships.

Of course, Brad and Yoni’s marriage was not recognized by the State of Illinois at that time, nor is it today, as Illinois does not recognize marriage equality. But, the Supreme Court this week did take a big step in the right direction. By striking down Article Three of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) in Windsor v. United States,the Court has enabled legally married same-sex couples to receive the same federal benefits, rights and responsibilities as married heterosexual couples. And its ruling in Hollingsworth v. Perry effectively extends marriage equality rights to tens of millions of more Americans, those who reside in the State of California.

What the Supreme Court did not do was establish marriage equality – the right of same sex couples to wed – as a right for all Americans. That has been left to each state to determine. We can expect that the battle over the freedom to marry will intensify in New Jersey. If you want to get involved in support of marriage equality in our state I suggest going to www.gardenstateequality.org and getting on their email list. There is much that we can do.

I am proud that our Movement, through the Religious Action Center of Reform Judaism, filed joined and supported amicus briefs in both the Perry and Windsor cases. The Union for Reform Judaism and the Religious Action Center have long been outspoken advocates for civil rights. (In fact, the Voting Rights Act of 1965, that was struck down by the Supreme Court this week in Shelby County, Ala. V. Holder was crafted by civil rights leaders in the Religious Action Center building. Needless to say, the Religious Action Center and Reform Jewish leaders across the country decried this terrible Court decision.) View the joint statement of Reform Jewish leaders here.

May Brad and Yoni’s marriage soon be recognized in the state of Illinois and marriage equality be accepted throughout our entire union.

Shabbat Shalom,
Jordan

Bill Kaplen - His Memory Will Be for a Blessing

Dear Friends,

This week we lost one of the true “g’dolei ha’dor,” great men of our generation in our community, Bill Kaplen. I feel privileged to have had the opportunity to get to know Bill late in his life. He was a very wise as well as a very generous man. I learned much from my conversations with him. Despite my sadness it was an honor to be able to officiate at his funeral service this past Wednesday in the sanctuary at Temple Sinai, the renovation of which he helped fund, and which was dedicated by the Kaplen family.

My heart goes out to Bill’s wife, Maggie, who, together with Bill, changed the face of the Jewish and wider community of our area. She is a great lady in her own right and I am grateful to have her as a friend and active member of our congregation. My condolences as well to Bill’s sons, Larry and Lex, to Larry’s wife, Veronica, and son, Ben; to Bill’s step-sons, Peter and James; their wives, Koy and Kenia; and James’ children, Nicolas and Isabelle.

There is a wonderful tribute to Bill Kaplen in today’s issue of the Jewish Standard.

Below please find an excerpt from my eulogy delivered at this past Wednesday’s funeral.

May you have a peaceful and happy summer solstice and a Shabbat Shalom.

Rabbi Jordan Millstein

Excerpt from Eulogy for Bill Kaplen

…Rabbi [Reuven] Kimmelman…mentioned in his note a key tenet of Bill’s own philosophy of life, “Save your money and give it away.” This goes to one of Bill’s greatest loves, one which he fully embraced and became the focus of the last 15 years of his life. The Kaplen Foundation was founded back in 1969, but it was only after Bill sold his business in 1999 that he became fully engaged in the business of giving. As the President of the Kaplen Foundation he worked at it all the time, continuing to go into the office regularly until last year.

And it was in this work, I think, that Bill really found his calling. From his spiritual home here at Temple Sinai, to the Jewish Home at Rockleigh, to all his work with and generosity to the Kaplen JCC on the Palisades, to the Jewish Home Assisted Living/Kaplen Family Senior Residence – the building of which he personally supervised – Bill Kaplen and his family changed the face of the Jewish community of our area. (And he had an impact on the Jewish community nationally as well through his strong support for the Anti-Defamation League and the American Jewish Committee.) Bill cared deeply about the perpetuation of Judaism and the Jewish People.

In fact, he cared about all people and their well-being. The Kaplen Foundation has done a lot of work in the healthcare field, especially in our own community where supporting and expanding the work of Englewood Hospital and Medical Center was so important to him.

To be clear, Bill and his family did not do this alone. There were a number of other families, many of whom are represented here today - many who are Bill and Maggie’s personal friends - who were extremely generous and made a huge difference in our community as well. But, I don’t think I am going too far when I ask, “Without Bill’s leadership would all of this work have gotten done? Would our community be as vital as it is today?” You see, it’s not just that the Kaplen Foundation gave major gifts. It’s that Bill got on the phone and said to others, “join me!” And if you were ever on the other end of that phone call you know how hard it is to say “no” to Bill Kaplen. Bill put himself and his relationships on the line for this community and for that we owe him an enormous debt of gratitude.

And he really did love it. As Bill himself put it a few years ago as the Kaplen JCC began its renovation campaign, “Nothing I have done in my long life has brought me the kind of happiness that giving away my money has…[It is] a physical sensation — joy. Pure, sweet, unmistakable joy that something can’t exist without you. If you have the resources to give but don’t, no matter how young you are, you are denying yourself something wonderful.”

“At these moments,” he added, “when you see what you’ve been able to accomplish and you understand its full effect on the people it was intended to affect, you’re not really engaging in philanthropy anymore. You realize that you haven’t really given anything away. You’ve multiplied what you had a hundred times over and kept it for yourself.”

The NSA May Be Reading This

Dear Friends,

Actually, that’s probably not true. If the NSA was reading this it would be a bad thing, in my opinion, and most definitely a waste of the government’s time. You, on the other hand, are reading this. That, in my opinion, is a good thing and I hope that you will not find it a waste of time. In fact, I want to thank you for reading this and any of the other “rabbi’s messages” that I have sent which you have read. I appreciate your time and really enjoy the comments I receive in response, even (especially?) when you disagree with me.

As far as the NSA’s program itself is concerned, it doesn’t bother me. From what we’ve learned over the past couple of weeks from Edward Snowden’s leaking of information to The Guardian, the NSA (National Security Agency) is mining data from the internet and phone companies to identify suspicious patterns in phone numbers called and addresses to which emails are written. They are not, as the subject line of this email misleadingly implies, reading emails, except in cases where their computers identify suspicious patterns and their intelligence officers get a judge to issue a warrant for them to examine the content of an email or tap a phone number.

I agree with Tom Friedman who wrote in his column earlier this week, “I worry about potential government abuse of privacy from a program designed to prevent another 9/11 — abuse that, so far, does not appear to have happened. But I worry even more about another 9/11.” In Judaism, the saving of lives is our highest value. That is not to say that we should turn our country into a police state in order save lives. But, it does mean that we need to make certain trade-offs. If government computers have my emails and phone calls logged by recipient number and address in some data base so their algorithms can identify suspicious patterns – even if they end up reading some of them because some of you are suspicious characters (LOL) – that’s fine by me. Hey, maybe they’ll decide to read all of my blog postings; I could use some more readers!

All kidding aside, I do think Tom Friedman is right. Any successful attack on our country would not only be a disaster for the victims and their families, it could lead to far worse consequences. It could lead us into another war, costing thousands of lives and trillions of dollars.

I also believe that should our government be able to capture Mr. Snowden he should be tried for treason. His actions have undermined the effectiveness of a program that probably has saved many lives and could yet, if it is not totally compromised, save countless more.

Should we be concerned about our privacy? No doubt. We allow companies and organizations (not Temple Sinai!) to monitor some of our internet use in order to sell us everything and anything. We have security cameras on street corners, inside and outside of stores and businesses. We need to be aware of modern technology and how it impacts our ability to maintain our privacy.

But, truth be told, this is not entirely new. Modern life is becoming…a lot like life in the old days when we lived in small towns and villages right on top of one another. Back then you knew that someone could easily overhear almost anything that you said if you didn’t make a serious effort to keep it private. And our ancestors knew as well that what was said in one place could be heard pretty quickly in another part of the world. “The gossiper stands in Syria and kills in Rome.” (Palestinian Talmud Peah 1:10) In this new/old world we have to practice what our tradition calls, “shmirat ha’lashon,” “guarding the tongue.” The only difference is that for us our tongues extend to our keyboards, iPhones and Ipads.

In sum, Big Brother is not really watching you; he is just logging your emails and phone calls. It’s a trade-off that we should accept in order to have a safer and more peaceful world.

My you have a safe and peaceful Shabbat.

Jordan

Oklahoma Tornado Response

Dear Friends,

I know your hearts, like mine, go out to the victims of the terrible tornado that killed at least 24 people, including 9 children, in the suburbs of Oklahoma City yesterday. Many of you, I imagine, are looking for ways to help the victims of this tragedy. Some of you have asked me whether there is an organized Jewish community response. Both the Union for Reform Judaism and the Jewish Federations of North America (partnering with the American Jewish Joint Distribution Committee) have established emergency funds to help those who have been hurt, lost homes and suffered other losses during the storm. You can follow the links above to make a donation to help the victims.

The following message was shared by Rabbi Dan Freelander, Senior Vice President of the URJ, earlier today:

“We are all terribly saddened by the devastation caused yesterday in Oklahoma. Temple B'nai Israel in Oklahoma City reports that thus far it appears that the Jewish community has been spared any loss of life. Nonetheless, the human, emotional and physical toll is being deeply felt throughout the area-and beyond.

Working across denominations, the local Jewish institutions are coordinating relief efforts, but have requested that we not contact them directly. Rather, offers of support should be directed to funding agencies on the ground. With that in mind, the URJ has opened a fund to direct contributions (without any deductions for administrative expenses) to local relief agencies on the ground in Oklahoma….

"We are numb with grief, and yet inspired by the heroic resilience of the people of Oklahoma. Our thoughts and prayers go out to all those impacted by this horrific tragedy," said URJ President Rabbi Rick Jacobs. "For now, we will collect donations and distribute them to the American Red Cross and others on the ground in Oklahoma. As other needs arise, perhaps including volunteers to assist with the clean-up and rebuilding, we stand ready to help in any way possible."

To make a donation online visit www.urj.org/relief. Checks can be sent to the Union for Reform Judaism (Attn: Oklahoma Tornado Relief), 633 Third Ave., New York, NY 10017….

I know that you join me in sending thoughts and prayers to the individuals, families and communities impacted by this event.

Take care,
Jordan

NEW Israel Trip Meeting Sunday 10:00 am

Dear Friends,

Ever since our group from Temple Sinai returned from Israel at the beginning of the year I have been thinking about when I would be able to lead another Temple Sinai trip to Israel. That’s just the way it is with Israel. Once you’ve gone you keep wanting to return again and again. Of course, I could go back by myself. There are always rabbinic missions and study opportunities. But, I’d much rather go with you. There is nothing like being with congregants and friends exploring our homeland, ancient and modern – the fun, the smiles, the looks of awe as we travel the country. And the bonding; the friendships that developed and deepened during the trip this past December mean so much to me. Just a few weeks ago at my daughter, Sarah’s, bat mitzvah I looked out and saw the faces of so many of those who were with us and participated in the b’nei mitzvah ceremony we held at the Kotel/Western Wall. There was a connection, a feeling that I and the rest of my family felt in that moment that is beyond any words that even I, a rabbi, can write.

I would like to begin planning a new trip to Israel to take place at the end of August or the end of December 2014. In order to do this I need to know that you are potentially interested in participating in a trip at one of those times, and I need some feedback from you regarding the kind of trip in which you are interested. Consequently, I have scheduled an open meeting this Sunday, May 19th at 10:00 a.m. (just late enough for those attending the Temple Gala the night before to get some sleep) to see if there is interest in such a trip and to have a discussion about the different kinds of things we could include in it. The trip we took this past December was multi-generational, including people ages 8 – 80+. It included a number of students who participated in the b’nei mitzvah ceremony I mentioned. Will we do this again or do a different kind of trip? It all depends on what those who are interested want to do. I will share different ideas at the meeting on Sunday.

If you cannot come this Sunday at 10 a.m. to this meeting but would consider participating in a Temple Sinai trip to Israel at the end of August or end of December 2014 email me at rabbimillstein@templesinaibc.org ASAP. The number of responses will figure highly in whether we go ahead and begin planning.

This past Tuesday night was the Festival of Shavuot and we celebrated the confirmation of 11 wonderful young people who completed a year of study with me and Jonah Zinn, our rabbinic intern, in our Monday evening High School program. I wish you were all there to participate in the service they led. It was really something to behold. Each student wrote what we call a, “Jewish Identity Statement.” Three of these students were on the Israel trip with us this past December and all three wrote about how significant this trip was in the development of their Jewish identity. Here’s what one of them, Noah Rosenberg, wrote:

While there, I learned not only about what it meant to be a Jew in ancient times but also what it means to be a Jew today. We visited Tel-Aviv which is the epitome of modern Israel as well as visiting Masada and Jerusalem which both have strong ancient Jewish roots….

…It was amazing to see how much Israel has developed into a modern state in only 65 years of existence as the Jewish state. The youth director on the trip brought up a very good point while we were in Tel-Aviv. On the first day she sat all the kids in a circle and said to us, “Isn’t it amazing that when you walk outside, nearly everybody you see is Jewish?” This was when it really hit me that I was in Israel. I was in the land that my ancestors had given their lives for, and now we Jews finally had a place to call our own.

This all came full circle on the last day of the trip when we visited The Wall in Jerusalem. I, along with five other kids in the group were able to become Bar or Bat Mitzvah or in my and my sister’s case, Bar and Bat mitzvah again at the Western wall. What an experience that was! Reading the Torah in front of the last remaining wall of a temple of our people that was destroyed twice was definitely an experience I’ll never forget. It’s just another testament as to how strong we are as a people. That’s what it means to be Jewish.

It’s amazing what thirteen days in a foreign country can do to someone. Being in Israel was such an amazing experience and I would go back in a heartbeat….

If you’ve been to Israel at some point in your life you know you want to go back. If you have never been there, what are you waiting for? As the great sage, Hillel, taught, “Im lo achshav, eimatai,” – “If not now, when?”

Shabbat Shalom,
Jordan

p.s. Hope to see many of you this Saturday evening at our Gala as we honor Janene Edlin, Michele Harris and Ilana Matteson. Mazal Tov Janene, Michele and Ilana!

Women Overcome Wall

Dear Friends,

Today was an historic day for “Women of the Wall” (WOW) as they overcame a wall of protesting Haredim/Ultra-Orthodox Jews to pray and sing together at the Western Wall. It was the first Rosh Chodesh (First Day of the Month) since the Jerusalem District court ruled that women wearing tallitot/tallises at the Kotel are not violating the regulations that govern the Western Wall plaza, which only say that people there have to pray according to “local custom.” As they have tried to do every Rosh Chodesh members of WOW came to the Kotel to pray together in the women’s section of the plaza. This substantial group of women were met by a very large group of Haredi protestors. The ultra-Orthodox Jews flooded the area and might have blocked the women from reaching the women’s section of the wall. However, unlike previous times, the police not only did not detain the women but formed a ring around them to protect them from the protestors. As a result, they were able to pray and sing songs joyfully in unison – a great victory!

It should be noted that all did not go perfectly. As the Israeli newspaper Haaretz reported:

“Three people were arrested and two police officers were injured in the protests, in which demonstrators at several points threw water bottles and chairs in the direction of the women’s section, while calling the police “Nazis” and shouting at them “Go back to Germany.” Police formed a human barricade to hold back the protesters when the women exited the prayer plaza after they had concluded their service. After they had passed through Dung Gate, a group of ultra-Orthodox protesters began throwing rocks in their direction. They continued to throw rocks at buses that delivered the women away from the violent protests.”

Unfortunately, this offensive and violent display is not surprising, given the history of Haredi reaction to what they consider violations of Jewish law. This is a black and white issue. It's about whether those with Black hats and white shirts should be allowed to make the rules for how Judaism is practiced by the rest of us. It is about religious freedom, pure and simple, black and white. On the other hand, the political situation in Israel is far from simple. So, with that in mind, and in the interests of "Shalom Bayit" ('Peace in the House' - a great Jewish value) I accept the compromise that Natan Sharansky has proposed establishing a pluralistic prayer site at the South Wall/Robinson's arch. But, until that is done, which is likely to take several years, the Women of the Wall must be allowed to pray there unmolested.

Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Jordan Millstein

p.s. You may not know that the leader of Women of the Wall, Anat Hoffman, is also the Director of the Israel Religious Action Center of the Israel Movement for Progressive Judaism (i.e. the Reform Movement of Israel). So, this is a proud day for us as Reform Jews as well!

Mazel Tov, Jason!

Dear Friends,

Among the legendary figures in Jewish history is Nachshon ben Aminadav. According to midrash, when the Israelites reached the sea during the exodus from Egypt none of the tribes wanted to be the first to enter the water. With Pharoh’s army fast approaching, Nachshon, the leader of Judah, jumped into the sea setting an example for all of Israel. With time, the name Nachshon came to symbolize individuals who break new ground with acts of courage.

This week the world met a new Nachshon when NBA center Jason Collins announced that he is gay, making him the first openly gay active player in any of the four major professional sports leagues. Jason demonstrated that sexual orientation should not prevent anyone from achieving his or her goals, even at the highest level of professional sports. Given the importance of sport in our society, Jason’s openness is a powerful model for young people struggling with their own identity.

All corners of American society responded to his announcement with tremendous support. Collins called the response he received since coming out “incredible." Unfortunately, for many, the experience of coming out is not always so positive. Working together, let us strive to create a society in which all people feel “incredible” about the support they receive when sharing of themselves. Our young people in particular need role models and support as they struggle with issues of identity during the already challenging period of adolescence.

The outpouring of support for Collins also demonstrates the progress of society in accepting GLBT Americans. However, despite such signs of progress, much work remains in the fight for equality for all

This week Rhode Island joined nine other states and the District of Columbia which allow gay and lesbian couples to marry. However, marriage equality remains elusive in much of the country including here in New Jersey where Governor Christie vetoed gay marriage legislation last year.

Workplace discrimination also remains a major issue. Currently it is legal in 29 states to fire or discriminate against an employee because of his or her sexual orientation. The Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA), which was reintroduced this week in congress, would ensure fundamental fairness and equality in the workplace for all. I am proud that every year during our trip to Religious Action Center's L'Taken Social Justice Seminar to Washington, DC, our high school students from Temple Sinai choose to lobby for the passage of ENDA. You can learn more about the RAC’s position on this important issue at http://rac.org/advocacy/issues/issuegl/.

In Pirkei Avot, the Ethics of our Ancestors, Rabbi Tarfon teaches “Lo Alecha Hamlacha Ligmor, V’lo Atah Ben Chorin L’hibateyl Mimena,” it is not your responsibility to complete the task, but neither are you free to desist from it.” Just as we join together to applaud our new Nachson, Jason Collins, for reminding us that no one should be afraid to be themselves, let us also come together to affirm that we are all created b’tselem Elohim, in the Divine image, with equal rights for all.

Shabbat Shalom,
Jonah Zinn
Rabbinic Intern